People keep asking me, “How are you doing?” I have a standard answer, “I’m ok.” Period. That’s it.
I just don’t think they would understand if I blurted out, “I want to pull every hair out of my head!” or “I want to scream until no sound comes out.” or my personal favorite “I want to throw a brick through a window.” Which BTW is what I tell Cinderella to do, frequently.
I am not complaining, just getting through each day. The pain is still real and still there for everyone. My pain has so many different aspects everyday. Over the last few days I have been receiving a message from several different sources. What is the message? I will let you decide for yourself.
Written on July 23rd, one month after Lolly Pop Kid became an Angel. Read by me on July 24th. Posted on a MarineMom mailing list by a woman who just found out she has cancerous tumor.
Yesterday my son called me to see how my oncology visit went. As I was sharing with him that (this is true) my doctor is a CAN-CER-VIVOR too, and because of his illness he is death in one ear, and can barely hear. He wears a ponytail, and because he is death I could hardly understand a word he was saying… I was sharing his dry sense of humor(after I finally understood what he was saying) and how I never laughed so hard in my life as he drew pictures of “Arnie” and had me put my hand on my belly to be personally introduced to him. (SMile) And, I believed I named him correctly, because Arnie must have taken steroids to be so big. I must admit… I’m proud of his perservance to even think he can remotely knock me down. (SMile)
As I was sharing this with Glenn he asked me if I was okay. When I said with a SMile, “Glenn, I’m fine. I’m not worried at all!” He said, “OKay!” I then asked, “Do you believe me?” He then replied, “NO. Not at all, but I love you that much for trying to keep me from worrying.” I said, “Is it working?” He said, “NO!” I then said, “Good, because now you know what you put me through when you went to Iraq and I would ask you what you were doing and you would tell me not to worry!”
Speechless he was!
Children need to always know that as mothers of those who serve, when they feed us the bull, the bull will come back and bite them everytime.
When I hung up the phone I SMiled. I believe I was able to teach Glenn a lesson in life he will never forget, but on the other hand I did mean it when I told him not to worry.(SMile)
That is the message I want to share with you today. Please don’t spend the day worrying about your children. It’s within the adversitities of their lives where they get to experience something wonderful and challenging, and when they get through it they are more than they ever thought they could be.
Many of you have written me about the challenges in life that you too are facing, and I want you to know that each and everyone of us are:
We each wake up and have to survive something. Doesn’t have to be an illness. So, whatever it is you are going though today just know that I believe in you, and you CAN-CER-VIVE this!
And… if you need to chat, please e-mail me. I’m back to work today, and being that I’m my own boss, I promise I’ll take a moment out of my day to remind you that there’s nothing you can’t do!
Onward by faith…
Just a note: We have sinced learned the tumor is not cancerous and I now have a new friend!
A post from a mother whose 10-year-old daughter, Sydney is suffering from a terminal brain tumor on Monday, July 27, 2009
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)
I was first given this verse shortly after my car accident in 1993. I had been driving and my best friend was killed. As you can imagine, it was a very difficult time in my life…and this verse brought much comfort.
At that time, it helped me to understand that although my heart was suffering…I would someday be glorified because if it.
But over the years, as I read more verses of that chapter in Romans, it shed even more light on the subject of suffering…and I’d like to share it with you now. Let’s look the verse again…along with verses 19-21:
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.”
Romans was written by Paul…who was no stranger to suffering. He often mentioned his sufferings, although not specifically identifying just what was the “thorn in his flesh” that he discusses in 2 Cor. 12. But this “thorn” was not taken away when he pleaded…as God had a greater plan for Paul..and that suffering was needed in order to conform Paul into His image.
Firstly, suffering is suffering…whether it be suffering for Christ’s sake…or from your own infirmaties, or struggles of life. In my humble opinion, any form of suffering can be for Christ’s sake, if we allow it to do it’s intended purpose in our life.
Now that we have that established, let’s dive into it a bit. Now, I am no scholar, but have studied a little and this is what I have found regarding this passage of scripture.
In verse 18, Paul says, “..our present sufferings”…the ancient Greek work used in this verse for “present” is “kairos” which means a specific period or season of time. It’s different than “chronos” which means a undetermined space of time. So what Paul is saying is…this suffering will last only for a while…there will be an end…it will not go on forever.
He also speaks of a glory that will be revealed in those who suffer who are children of God. In the latter verses, he’s talking about creation…that’s US. It says the “creation was subjected to frustration…not by it’s own choice, but by the will of the One (God) who subjected it…”
Simply put…God allowed it to happen. He looked at His creation (us) and decided to subject it to “frustration” or sufferings. Why!?!?! Why would this loving God look upon those He created and want them to suffer? It wasn’t even suffering because of wrong choices on the part of creation…it was simply His will that this be allowed in their lives!!! WHY!?!
Here’s why: “in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.”
Creation has to be purged of it’s sin…creation has to go through the fire…has to be free of the bondages and impurities of sin, in order to be made into His image…and can then receive His glorious freedom…basically, the creation (us) will be rewarded in heaven for our brief sufferings here on earth!
Also, in my own thinking, when we (the creation) gives GOD glory through our weakness…through our suffering…it draws others to the Creator. Others see in us what they are so desperately in need of…a peace in all circumstances.
Here are Pauls own words about the thorn in his flesh…and how God is glorified in it:
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor 12:7-10)
How many times have we asked God to heal Sydney? Countless times!!! I mean my own prayers are countless…now add in all of yours…and the others around the world…well, that’s a lot of prayers.
How many times has God healed her as of yet? None that I am aware of. Oh, He’s helped her improve or feel better and such…but not a complete healing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining…although there are times I do. There are times that I get so tired of this process, and I just beg for a healing….just want to scream!
What was God’s answer to Paul? He said, “My grace is sufficient for you…”. That has been God’s answer to me, as well. I’m not saying that He’s not going to heal Sydney. I’m simply saying that I just don’t know what He’s going to do…and the waiting really gets quite wearing.
But if I look at Paul’s words, I can rejoice. For one, in the passage in Romans, it says that our suffering will end…it is only for a time…and that God has allowed it to mold us into His image…to prepare us for the glory in heaven that awaits us!
Then, in 2 Corinthians, he shows us that although we don’t have the answer we want…although we may get weary, we should really be rejoicing in that suffering, because God’s grace gives us the strength to endure it…and through our weakness, God’s strength can be seen around the world!
I’m sorry if this was to lengthy today…but it is my heart. I was going to have a rough day today…I could tell when I woke up that my heart was heavy, with a little dose of “feeling sorry for myself”. But then, remembered this study I had done…and felt the need to share it with you all.
Upon reading it, I was reminded to be joyful in all things…even when I don’t feel like it…even with life doesn’t seem fair…even when God doesn’t answer my prayer in the way or time frame I wish…REJOICE…for there is a purpose! I am being prepared for His glory to be revealed in me…and while I await that revelation…His grace is more than enough to see me through!
God Bless ~ IVESTRONG
Thurday July 30th Posted on a website for grieving parents and grandparents
Together We Walk the Stepping Stones
Come, take my hand, the road is long.
We must travel by stepping stones.
No, you’re not alone. I’ve been there.
Don’t fear the darkness. I’ll be with you.
We must take one step at a time.
But remember, we may have to stop awhile.
It’s a long way to the other side
And there are many obstacles.
We have many stones to cross.
Some are bigger than others.
Shock, denial, and anger to start.
Then comes guilt, despair, and loneliness.
It’s a hard road to travel, but it must be done.
It’s the only way to reach the other side.
Come, slip your hand in mind.
What? Oh, yes, it’s strong.
I’ve held so many hands like yours.
Yes, mine was once small and weak like yours.
Once, you see, I had to take someone’s hand
In order to take the first step.
Oops! You’ve stumbled. Go ahead and cry.
Don’t be ashamed. I understand.
Let’s wait here awhile so that you can get your breath.
When you’re stronger, we’ll go on, one step at a time.
There’s no need to hurry.
Say, it’s nice to hear you laugh.
Yes, I agree, the memories you shared are good.
Look, we’re halfway there now.
I can see the other side.
It looks so warm and sunny.
On, have you noticed? We’re nearing the last stone
And you’re standing alone.
And look, your hand, you’ve let go of mine.
We’ve reached the other side.
But wait, look back, someone is standing there.
They are alone and want to cross the stepping stones.
I’d better go. They need my help.
What? Are you sure?
Why, yes, go ahead. I’ll wait.
You know the way.
You’ve been there.
Yes, I agree. It’s your turn, my friend . . .
To help someone else cross the stepping stones.
So today I received an email from my mom, Grandma M. What would we do without our mommies.
Please continue to watch over our family and bless us each everyday. Please take good care of Lolly because we will be coming after him.
And that’s all I have to say about that.