Archive for Grief

Today is my Birthday

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on January 6, 2010 by juliannah

Today is my birthday. I do not know why but I did not feel very happy this morning. I guess because this has been such a tough year. Losing Lolly Pop Kid was the single worst thing that I have ever been through. I did not feel like celebrating and I so wish I could change everything about this past year.

But. I. Can’t.

There were two amazing things that happened today. First LCpl Honda, who has been deployed since Sept. called me. It was hard to hear him, as it was on Christmas, but he called me to wish me a Happy Birthday. I never expected to get a call today. It was great to talk to him. I can’t wait for him to come home.

I went outside as the sun was rising and saw this.

Red clouds. Lolly clouds. I usually see them on Tuesdays. The day he became an angel. Taking a closer look, the cloud looks like an angel. I could be wrong, but I felt his love and birthday wishes. I had the realization that he does not want me to feel bad all the time. Which I already knew, but it is hard to live it.  Still, it is hard to celebrate things in life when you are missing someone. It is hard to watch your family members hurt. It is hard to miss people that are not at home. It is hard to not know exactly what is going on with the people that are not at home. I hate talking in code. I hate OSPEC. I understand, but I still do not like it.

I guess I just needed a time-out today. I will go on. I feel very comforted by the events that have occurred already today. Tomorrow will be a new day. I will get up and move on. I know I will have bad days. But I will keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Today is my birthday. Thank you Lord for the gifts I received.

Prayers for Ft. Hood Families

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on November 6, 2009 by juliannah

Please take a minute to say a prayer for the soldiers lost, families and friends of the Ft. Hood shootings.

Cinderella served at Ft. Hood as an MP so this tragedy hits home for our family.


A Tattoo For Our Lolly Pop Kid

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 5, 2009 by juliannah

Cinderella got a tattoo today. In honor of her son, our Lolly Pop Kid. He loved the movie ‘Cars’. His first birthday theme was ‘Cars’. so here is a pic of the tattoo.


Also, my grandaughter, Butterfly sent me a picture of her bedroom makeover. Love it. Her room is so pink…


I asked her if I could go live in her room. Maybe not. Also notice ‘Cars’ on the TV. Our Lolly is still with us. 

Sunday Brunch

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 6, 2009 by juliannah

Yesterday, family and friends came together and we planted Lolly’s tree. The week before, I prayed for cooler weather and that prayer was answered. I was a little worried a major storm might interrupted the planting but that did not happen. The tree was a little bigger than I expected. I have a VW bug. The tree is about 5 feet tall and it actually fit in my car. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. LCpl Honda dug the hole in the yard. Everyone arrived and we feasted on sub sandwiches and potato salad. Grandma M brought a carrot cake. Lolly loved baby carrots. Everyone took turns shoveling dirt into the hole. Then Butterfly and my friend’s daughter, Big Brown Eyes helped Lolly’s dad Tango make a well around the tree. Finally, we made a circle around Lolly’s tree and said a prayer and asked God to bless the tree.

It was a wonderful day.

After the planting, I gave everyone a picture of Lolly’s name in the sand.

I am posting our group picture, although we took many pictures that day. The rest I have chosen to keep private. I am also posting a picture of my dad, Grandpa DingDon, one of Lolly’s namesakes. No recipe today. Yesterday was simple, kind of like a picnic. Everyone knows how to make a picnic. Yes?

donmemorialpics 0592

donmemorialpics 0602

We love you sweet boy. Donovan. Our Lolly Pop Kid.

I had to add this drawing, done by Butterfly, Lolly’s sissy.


ps. The drawing was lying on my kitchen table today and my cat decided to walk on it. The blue background was done with pastel chalk. I just spent a whole bunch of time in my bathroom trying to wash the blue color off of my cat’s feet. Fun.

Yea, I think that is all I have to say about that…

Looking Forward to Saturday

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2009 by juliannah

This Saturday we will plant a tree for our Lolly Pop Kid. Our family and Tango’s family will gather at our home and together we will plant an orange tree for Lolly.

I prayed to God that the weather would be a little cooler since the temperature has been around 106 degrees. I mean I really prayed. I just want everyone to be comfortable.  However, I did not ask for a hurricane. We do not get full-force hurricanes where we live but we do get some nasty storms from them. So I am hoping the weather will be nice and not drench us with rain all day on Saturday.

I am happy about receiving this photo. There is a woman in Australia writes the names of Angel children in the sand on a beach. She then photos them at sunset and uploads them to her blog. The pictures are absolutely beautiful. I cried when I say Lolly’s photo. There appears to be a red halo over the sun. As I have said before, Lolly had wonderful flaming red hair. So everyone attending the tree planting will receive one of these photos. I think it will be a lovely addition.


Angel Tuesday

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on September 1, 2009 by juliannah

Today’s Angel is Brianna Sharp. Brianna was a lively 7th grader when last fall she was diagnosed with diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma, a highly aggressive brain tumor. She went to heaven surrounded by her family on July 25, 2009.

Brianna loved running cross-country at school. She also played the Fluteflute in her school band and liked art.

Her father Matt said she had a contagious smile and laugh. She would laugh at his jokes even when they were not that funny.

Brianna kept a daily blog where she has chronicled her battle with cancer. She also describes her life with family and friends.

confirmation_rosary_cross-776364Brianna’s faith grew during her illness. She wore a cross, carried a rosary and said the Hail Mary. Many family and friends attended her 13th birthday party this past spring.

Brianna is loved and missed by her family, friends and all who knew her. Please say a prayer for Brianna and her family.



Please continue to pray for Lolly Pop Kid and our families. We now have answers as to why Lolly went to Heaven. I will not post that here. The information does not make me feel better. It just breaks my heart more and gives my brain more stuff to think about.

Today is also the start of Childhood Cancer Awarness Month.  This is near ChildCancerRibbonMagnetand dear to my heart because Butterfly once battled Leukemia and won! Please take a moment to think about the littlist warriors today and through the month.

Wordless Wednesday – Clouds

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2009 by juliannah

rainbow cloud


glowing cloud


hole in the red sky cloud


angel cloud


all of these clouds appeared on a different Angelversaries of our Lolly Pop Kid.